Stinging In The Rain

Teddy Roosevelt is one of my favorite-ist presidents, so don't get confused when I finish the sentence by saying he was also a poser. Now, being a poser ain't all that bad if you can manage to get your act together and earn respect before you finally check out. Roosevelt grew up as a sickly kid in New York, but he made great efforts to venture out west to re-make himself in hopes of returning as a robust, self-made man. One of the first things Teddy did upon arriving in the Dakota Badlands was to commission a fancy set of buckskins so he could pose for pictures to show folks back east what the Bull Moose thought a real cowboy should look like. Much like the motorcycle "enthusiasts" of today who plop a credit card on the counter to buy the over-priced bike and the Silly G.™ leathers to impress their friends, I just want to emphasize that there's always hope for posers because Teddy actually put in the saddle time and eventually came to earn the respect of all the authentic cowpokes out there on the range.

"There will be a rain dance Friday night, weather permitting" ~ George Carlin

I can tell one's dedication to riding by looking for the hole burnt into the right leg of his/her raingear. And if he/she tells me they don't OWN raingear, that tells me that they don't really like riding THAT much. Unless you're a hard core bad-ass rider like my (real) chopper riding mentor, ABATE of CA Founder, Deacon, who rides in the rain without any fancy Nomex® gear or N.E.O.S.® waterproof overboots – because, as he says, "You can only get so wet." Well, I've been that wet before, where every fiber of my being was soaked to the bone, and I've had hypothermia set in and I've actually shivered myself to sleep while riding - more than a few times. Note to self: falling asleep on the bike has an adverse affect on the final butt mile tally at day's end. So, call me a wuss if ya wanna, Deacon, but when the Weather Channel® calls for rain, I'll be wearing my rainsuit, affectionately known as "the space suit" because I look just like an Apollo astronaut when I'm on a mission to find M&Ms® at the local quickie mart.

"Weather is a great metaphor for life - sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad, and there's nothing much you can do about it but carry an umbrella." ~Pepper Giardino

I've worn my rainsuit at Mount Rushmore during all three flavors of the day; morning, noon and night. There is nothing more spectacular than standing beneath the four faces after a night lighting ceremony, 5200 feet above the Paha Sapa, gazing into the darkened depths of the distant prairie as the lightning brightens the clouds from the inside – like fluffy, billowing A-Bombs popping off in the distance. Ooh, there goes Denver. Ahh, there goes all of Nebraska. (They had a lid law over there anyways, stoopid NannyCrats™) And as it is with all that is good in life, you will pay a supreme price to see the lightning show - because you're going to be riding home in the dark, dodging porcupines and jackalopes and you're sure as hell gonna get wet before you get back to your tent. If it hasn't blown away.

"It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds for the opportunity to rain on a tent." ~ Dave Barry

I've ridden through Colorado in the pitch black of midnight during a thunderstorm where the lightning was striking both sides of the mountains around me. I couldn't see the road, so I followed the red taillight in front of me until a semi-truck would spray by and obscure my last hope for survival. My worst storm ever came outside of Emery, Utah while nursing a cracked/leaking gas tank; a microburst of hail so violent that I couldn't see a foot beyond my windshield. The road was elevated with a ditch on either side, I could do nothing but stop in the middle of the road, turn on the hazards, and pray that no cars were crazy enough to be following me.

"Don't knock the weather; nine-tenths of the people couldn't start a conversation if it didn't change once in a while." ~Kin Hubbard

I've slid across a rain slickened directional arrow into the middle of an intersection of oncoming traffic in Ridgecrest. I've hydroplaned on the Foothill Freeway near Santa Anita where the peacocks roam. I've been stung with hail riding home from the Pomona Toy Run. I've shimmied on black ice while riding over the Grapevine in winter as the rain turned to snow. I've been caught in the Arizona monsoons near Flagstaff, three years in a row at exactly 3 pm, each time. I've fishtailed in the slush at 11,796 feet on the Trail Ridge Road in Rocky Mountain National Park. I've marveled at my lonely tire tracks in the mirror as I rode through 3 inches of snow in Sequoia National Park. I've been rained on while taking pictures of glaciers on Bear Tooth Pass at 10,974 feet. There was the time that it rained for 9 solid days on my trip to Milwaukee for HD's 95th Anniversary Shakedown. I've ridden thru miles and miles of muddy Black Hills clay from Hill City to Custer in South Dakota, and it's STILL baked solid on my pipes to this day- like ceramic.

"The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain."
~ Dolly Parton

I have hundreds of stories about riding in the rain, but lucky for you, the editor keeps me on a tight leash and this is the part of the column when I need to wrap it up and concoct some clever way to tie it all in with the goofy title. I guess I'd hafta do that with a challenge to all the fair weather posers everywhere who say they like riding motorcycles, but not enough to ride in the rain. See, I know that if more riders actually rode in the rain, it would help develop character, commitment and dedication to the sport. Soon, we'd have more riders willing to jump into the fight for rider's rights because if you're willing to get wet, odds are, you're also willing to bleed to preserve motorcycling's future. Forrest Gump described the various stages of rain better than I ever could. Little bitty stingin' rain and big ol' fat rain. Rain that flew in sideways. And sometimes rain even seemed to come straight up from underneath. Until more riders get out there and experience each and every stage of rain, all of Bikerdom will be defended by just the few of us who have the cajones and the selfless dedication to go out there stinging in the rain. Teddy would ride in the rain for no other reason than to get from here to there - and if he could, you can too.

"If there is no struggle, there is no progress. Those who profess to favor freedom, and deprecate agitation, are men who want crops without plowing up the ground, they want rain without thunder and lightning." ~ Frederick Douglass

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